I Must Hurt You
by runaway xo
Summary: Ever wonder how Edward's family took the news of his decision to leave Bella in New Moon? One-Shot.


**I'm trying the sad/heartbreaking thing again. Sorry! But it's healthy to extend your genres :) **

**Takes place after Bella's birthday party in New Moon. Edward tells his family the _news._**

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**I Must Hurt You **

**(All Edward POV) **

They were all staring at me, their confusion highlighted in the ocher color of their eyes. Nobody moved a muscle as I watched the hint of fear reach their faces, as they surely saw the pain deep in mine.

"What's going on, Edward?" Rosalie broke the silence with her impatience.

The frustration evidently soaking the room as I tried to find the words. The words that would make this final, no longer something that eternally nagged my head or corrupted beneath the surface of my immortal life. These words should had been said a long time ago, though if they had, I bet I would still be feeling this same sense of grief wash over me, the feeling there before the task is even completed. But if these words had been said a long time ago, I could have saved _somebody _a little bit of pain.

Suddenly I saw the entire thing. My mouth moving with words I was too broken to hear, my face a hard mask that I didn't even recognize. And then I saw _her_. Even in a picture being played through my mind she was beautiful. My eyes roamed up her pale out-stretched hand, her fingers starting to curl back as the image flew farther away. My eyes traveled up her slender arm, to her chest that was un-moving. Was she not breathing? Finally I followed the curve up her neck, my gaze magnifying to her brown eyes. It was only for a second that I saw them, wide and flat against her ashen skin. The look in the beautiful dark orbs was otherworldly. Surely so much pain could not be contained within the eyes of this angel.

The picture faded away and I was soon standing just where I had begun, with five vampires staring at me apprehensively. Five because I hadn't counted Alice.

Her gaze penetrated into mine immediately. Her expression was stern and impious, as her eyes flashed to black, and she growled softly. "Tell me you've changed your mind," she demanded from behind her teeth.

I tried to keep my face impassive as I stared back at her but I could feel the icy insides of my body collapse, realizing the worst was yet to come.

Alice searched my eyes frantically, rising from her chair beside me, she jabbed a small finger into my chest. "You can't do that, Edward!"

By now the entire family was standing up, their thoughts seemed to be attacking my mind with questions.

_What's going on_?

I stayed as still as stone as Alice continued to scream at me, her voice just a monotone of sounds as I stared at a spot above her head.

I knew that if I let her make me feel guilty enough, I wouldn't do it. And I _had _to do it.

Alice must have had said something resembling a clue in her angry rant, for suddenly the thoughts around me centered around two people. One of which, I didn't think could exist in more of my over cramped mind than it already did.

"Stop," I hissed, covering my ears, though it did nothing, her face still floated behind my eyelids, taunting me with her merciless beauty.

My weak plea did nothing as the unspoken voices continued, combining with the sudden rush of spoken disagreement.

"I said… STOP," I roared. My bellow carried through the house, and everybody fell quiet as the glass against the southern wall vibrated with the impact of my voice.

Alice's finger was still jabbed against my chest, her mouth set in a hard line as I pushed her hand away. If I wasn't so angry I would be pacing, but I couldn't move, it felt like my legs would give out beneath me if I stirred.

Nobody spoke as I tried to contain myself, though their thoughts were inescapable.

_Never…_

_Of course he won't…_

_I have to talk him out of it. _

_This is all my fault. _

_I know it was bad, but this is a little extreme…_

_Good riddance. _

I could feel my teeth clench at the last thought and I tried to keep my gaze away from Rosalie.

"I am doing this," I murmured finally, "it's nobodies fault besides my own," I looked pointedly at Jasper, "And you can't stop me." My gaze settled on Alice.

A moment of silence passed. And then everybody started talking at once.

"Why?"

Everybody turned to the source of the overpowering voice. Emmett's eyes – now a shade darker – met mine.

"Why?" I repeated, exasperated. "Why do you think?!" My voice was harsher than I had intended it to be and I heard Jasper wince. My eyes shifted to his, "And this has nothing to do with what happened last tonight. Every day, every minute, every _second, _I'm with her, her life's in danger."

"But Edward…"

I turned to Alice and she flinched at my hostile expression, as my voice came out so sharp it cut through the air like a knife. "There are _no_ other options."

Alice narrowed her eyes but didn't speak.

I waited a moment, my body calming down, and though I knew this _was _going to happen my way, I'd never felt so defeated.

I sighed and without thinking about it, I could feel my carefully kept mask fading away. "I would have ended it sooner, had I known it would be like this."

Everyone was silent for a moment, even thoughts put on hold, until a soft voice broke through, one I hadn't expected. "You mean, love?"

Esme was looking at me, an apologetic smile on her pained face, as I flinched at the word.

"Well, it would have been like this for _me_, anyway," I said, looking away to the far wall. "I meant for _her_. I wish I could have spared her some pain."

"Some pain," Emmett scoffed quietly, though I didn't look at him.

"And what about you?" Rosalie interceded, carefully, to my surprise.

My brow furrowed and I still peered away from their gawking. "Obviously I do, and will always love her, so I'm going to have to lie through my teeth. " I winced as the image returned to my head suddenly, the beautiful face flashing behind my eyelids staring at me, her eyes extensive with fresh pain. I glared at Alice but her glower didn't waver. "And I do request that you all disappear as well. I believe the best way to go about this is to have a clean break."

I watched out of the corner of my eye Carlisle nod sullenly, though he had remained quiet throughout this discussion, his mind was thick with thoughts, each one digging into my non-existent soul.

"Well, of course we'll go anywhere you go, Edward, we're a family –" Esme began, but I interrupted her.

"I'd rather you not follow me. I ask that you all leave Forks, but I won't be accompanying you." I watched wordlessly as Esme's hope crumbled, and she sank back down into her chair.

"You can't do that, Edward," Alice intervened again, "You're not the only one who was close to Bella!"

Her name alone pulled at my flesh, as if some unnatural force was trying to remove it form my body. I knew that all too soon, I wouldn't allow myself to think that name ever again.

"Please, Alice," I finally begged, my head spinning with the effort to not torture myself with the images laying behind her name. "We don't deserve her love. Especially me who can't even hold her hand without the reminder of how fragile she is. I can't kiss her without an image of my teeth sinking in her neck crossing my mind. Think about it, Bella's going to get _older_, and I'm not! And when she's older she's going to want things that _I can't give her!" _I was screaming again, my fingers clenched around the edge of the table. I pulled away and stared blankly at my finger prints, imprinted deep and rough in the innocent wood.

"I'm a monster," I whispered simply.

The room fell silent once again. I glanced at each family member individually. Carlisle was still deep in thought, his eyes staring past me. Esme was… broken, and I looked away from her expression quickly. Emmett's face was a hard mask, much like mine, but his eyes were unhidden pools of anger and disbeilef. Rosalie was bored. Jasper was guilty despite my earlier words. And Alice was… Alice. Her mouth was set in a hard line, her eyes black slits that boar into mine.

I turned to leave, it wasn't like I was saying good bye yet, I still had today to get through.

"You're making a mistake you know." Alice chirped. Her mouth now a hard, smug grin. She tapped a pale finger to her temple, and for no longer than a second I saw it. Me sitting somewhere. An attic? But it's too dark too be sure. There's a rat scurrying around my feet, but I seem to be unaware. My eyes are ebony and I stare straight ahead, my face impassive, expressionless. And for the split second that I can see myself, I watch my mouth move. I couldn't be sure if Alice understood what I said, but I could hear it loud and clear. I said, _Bella_.

I landed back into the present, welcomed by Alice's words. "You'll have no one to blame but yourself."

I turned and continued towards the door. "Exactly."

I ran to my car, the sun just beginning to split like spun glass through the tree trunks. I got inside and started the engine. I could feel the defense in my mind weakening as I get closer and closer to her house. The expression, _so close you can taste it_, never had meaning until the moment I steathily climb through her window, her scent hiting me ten fold as she hugged her injured arm to her chest, like a broken wing.

And the second my skin came in contact with hers, my resolve reduced and I wanted to cry out in pain. Though I managed to ignored the ache in my long dead heart and I wrapped her gently into my arms, her soft mumbling sinking into my skin as the words brushed past her lips. "I love you, Edward."

I bit my lip so I couldn't scream. I screwed my eyes shut so I can't see. I held my breath so I couldn't breath.

_But you shouldn't_, I wanted to tell her, but I didn't. Instead I whispered her name. The name I knew would soon be locked tightly in my mind, never to leave my lips again. I said it softly, her name like honey, dripping off my tongue as the sorrow twisted inside of me.

"Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. _I love you_."

And for that reason, I must hurt you.

* * *

**"Review. Review. Review. Review. Review. And _I_'ll_ love you." _**

**:)**


End file.
